Improper Ventilation

Since the early days of Live Journal I have been hesitant to splatter my deepest emotions onto the blank canvas that is blogging. This is largely due to the fact that my closest friends and family would criticize the extent at which I would express my inmost thoughts or feelings. Ever heard the expression "TMI?" Well, that was me. I'm not about to make a post and give out Too Much Information, so please, don't get antsy (or excited, depending on your inclination...); I do, however, like to share from personal experience because I believe my thoughts can have a beneficial impact on other's.

This week's journey has taken its toll on my heart and mind. I'm not entirely sure what happened to drain all of my internal resources so quickly, but it has felt like all of my emotional reserves have evaporated at the flick of some diabolical switch. My brain has been failing to fire, much like an ancient transmission that refuses to turn over. No hope of sparks this week.

You would think that emotional drain would be a simple problem to fix or not even a big deal; just give it time and let the reserves fill back up, but this deficit quickly led to even more problems...

Not only have I felt a tad light in the emotion department, I've  also noticed my overall personality shifted from its once confident, collected, and bold nature to a rather weak-willed cowardice that frustrates and disgusts me. Just a single month ago I felt alive, bursting with energy, fresh thoughts, and exuding confidence only known to savvy politicians. This week, I feel as if aliens abducted me during the night, removed my courageous bone and replaced it with pure, powdered timidity.

What could I do? My brain refused to function so a clear solution couldn't be drummed up. The prospect of being ridiculed caused me to be too afraid to ask my friends for advice. Even crying and eating chocolate didn't yield any solid answers. I would say that the situation appeared bleak, but I was too scared to acknowledge that. 

I did the only thing a person can do in time of real internal crisis, I looked to Scripture. In its life-giving pages I rediscovered a passage that is forever burned onto my heart - 2Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power..."

The solution relieved my emotional lacking and broke through the hovering mental barrier like the first autumn breeze cuts through the scorching summer heat. The only way to battle inward timidity is with external adventure. Force the weakness inside to become strong through a series of events that require boldness and courage. Life is meant to be taken by the horns, the sun rises so the day can be seized once more. I need to embrace the spirit of power that Christ has gifted me with. Allowing fear and cowardice to grow and overcome my thoughts and actions will only lead to less pleasant feelings. 

What have I learned this week? If you're feeling weak, do something that requires you to be strong. If you're feeling cowardly, embark on an adventure that requires courage. When you feel as if retreat is in order so you can regroup, charge forward and attack life head on! 

I found encouragement this week. I won't stop, I won't quit, and I will continue to share, express, and (hopefully) motivate others to do the same.

Carry on!