Hey there, Faithful Readers!
First, let me extend my sincerest apologies for being absent for so long. I know it's no big deal. It's not like millions of people look forward to reading what I write or anything; but if even one person misses out on my brain ramblings then I feel bad... kinda, sorta...
Exciting times, to be sure! In just a few moments it will be the first day of May. While this fact simply means another turn of the calendar page for most, for me it marks a whole month since my life's story turned a new chapter. It's been 4 weeks since I left Florida to take up the adventure of living in Texas! I don't need to explain to you how drastic of a life change it is to relocate and start life over. I'm sure too many of you can relate to that.
This leg of my life's journey has helped me realize that there are so many aspects of life that we worry about when we don't really need to. We place such an inflated importance on concerns that really don't make much sense in the grand scheme of things.
For example, I realize that I placed WAY too much emphasis on "taking care of myself." I don't mean that I was exercising every day, eating right, or trying to better myself (I was trying to do some of that...); I mean that I was so bogged down with stress and anxiety that I was always concerning myself with my emotional state. I would justify an extra snack, hours of mind-numbing entertainment, or a mid-day nap while I blow off the world and its demans - all for the cause of "keeping my mental composure."
I thought that what I did defined who I was. In fact, I loathed that fact so much that I did everything (passive aggressively, of course) I could to resist letting being defined by my position.
My desire to appear successful meant I would strive for some "cool" things. The big TV, the nice car, the cool phone... and those are all nice things and I do consider myself blessed to have them, but my focus was way off.
What's worse is that I KNEW my focus was off. For the past 3 years I could've screamed in an instant because I knew something was fundamentally wrong with the paradigm I was living. I struggled so much to keep myself together because the position I was in and the way I perceived the expectations for MY life drove me to where I knew I could not stay.
Those who know me know I pastor, I work in the church. And even Church people can get the wrong motives and focus on the wrong things. In fact, sometimes we're the worst when it comes to misplaced priorities... because we should KNOW better. I was wrong there too...
I was focused on getting numbers up. My focus was primarily functional logistics and planning over authentic discipleship. Sometimes I would make planning more important than people.
I put ministry before myself. And my body and mind suffered.
What's more, I put my Crusade before Christ... and my spirit suffered so much more...
I was stuck. I was in a rut. My heart cringed when I thought about how much work it'd take to pull myself out of where I was. There was no one who could've helped me drag my heart out of the despair. No mentor to lean on, no friend to call up. It was a dark, dark time.
The only releif I received was the numbing amusements I passified my aching, empty spirit with. But Netflix is a poor substitute for spiritual fulfillment. My relationship with God was neglected.
It took 1,200 miles to clear my head. It took a drastic life change to shake my perspective back in line. And it took leaving a BUNCH of people I care about to kill my apathy.
From the wonderful messages from truly inspired individuals here, I've been reminded that my priority is simple - enjoy the presence and love of God. I don't have to worry. I don't have to strive. I don't have to work to obtain something from my Heavenly Father. It's not up to me to work in MY power to fix or heal myself. I'm incapable of doing that anyway. Somehow, I'd forgotten that and tried my hardest to "make it work" where I was at. And it was killing me.
But now I'm safe. Life feels new again. I wake up each day EXCITED instead of dreading each moment. What makes the difference is the perspective that Truth supplies. The Truth is, Jesus is LORD! He's my All in All. He makes the difference and all I have to do is trust and walk in faith. Simple as that. He supplies the rest.
And he supplies the REST.
Good to be back. Hope to discuss some interesting things with ya'll soon!
